Gone
by addekfanatic19
Summary: Addison is dead, she killed herself. This story is about how Derek copes with her death and moves on with the help of family and friends. Contains cutting and suicide. Some of the chapters also contain mentions of Private Practice. Don't like, don't read. It is my first Fanfic, so please be nice! Story is better than the summary. Promise!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Okay, so, this is only my first Fic, so...Please be nice! Reviews are always welcome! **

_She could feel the warmth of her blood run down her legs as she continued to cut herself with the knife she had found in the kitchen, she had planned this day for months now; she had specifically waited until everybody had gone home until she went to the kitchen and grabbed the knife that she had been eyeing for a while now. She couldn't feel pain anymore as she continued; the knife was sharp and left deep cuts on her arms and legs, she allowed the knife to drop to the floor as her blood pooled where she was sitting leaving an outline of where she sat against the wall. Her body felt heavy and hot, almost as if somebody opened up her body and replaced her bones with rocks. _

_Everything was blurry. _

_She was getting dizzy. _

Naomi was asleep at home when her phone started to vibrate violently on the nightstand, she felt Sam stir next to her as she pressed the 'ignore' button and went back to sleep, there was a few minutes of silence and she was falling asleep again just to be woken up by her phone.

"Answer the damn thing." Sam groaned as Naomi reached over to the nightstand and picked it up, she looked at the caller ID which read 'unknown number' on the screen, Naomi considered turning off her phone for a long moment; but, something in her brain told her otherwise; "Hello?"

_Hello, Doctor Bennett? _

"Yes, this is she. Speaking?" She said now sitting straight up when the chirp of sirens in the background came into earshot; _my name is Chief Jones of the L.A.P.D Twelfth division, I regret calling you at this hour but is urgent. _

Naomi could feel her heart start to beat erratically inside of her chest as she heard those words, what was going on? She tried to think back to when she left the building, there was only one person left in their office when she left and that was Addison; she knew that Addison had been struggling with her divorce and she had been doing all she could to help her through it.

"What is going on?" She asked nervously, the nervousness in her voice caught Sam's attention and he looked at her curiously; _I need you to come down to the Practice immediately, I cannot discuss this information over the phone. I have already called the other doctors and they are all on their way down. _

"Um, yes, of course." Naomi replied, "We will be there as soon as we can."

"What is going on, Nae?" Sam asked as he watched her climb out of bed and pull on jeans and a t-shirt, throwing her hair up into a messy ponytail she replied; "I don't know, Sam, but I have a feeling that it isn't good. The Police need us at the Practice immediately."

_She looked down the barrel of the gun that she was holding, her finger placed on the trigger, the darkness of it looked quite welcoming to her; all of her life she had grown up being the 'family disappointment', nothing she ever did or said was _ever_ good enough for her parents. But, the day she married Derek, that all went away; she was happy and enjoying life, something that she never did as a child, her mother always did say that she was a screw up...She should have known that she was going to fuck up their marriage. _

_She always did _something_ wrong. _

_From the minute she stepped foot into the Seattle Grace Hospital she knew that her marriage was over and that he was going to choose the slutty-dark-and-twisty-intern over his wife, it was a given that she did cheat on him first; but, she should have seen that coming. As she looked at the gun in her hands she thought about her friends not only here at the Practice but back in Seattle and how they would react if she did go through with this; she loved her friends with all of her heart and she knew that they did everything they could to help her get through this divorce, but, Addison knew something that her friends did not. _

_She knew that Derek was still the love of her life and that she wouldn't be able to move on in life without him. _

_She had no other options. _

_She started to cry, tears streaming down her face as she sat on the floor, the coolness of the wall seeped through her clothes and instantly chilled her clammy back; she knew that she had to go through with this, she looked up at the ceiling and could easily imagine her mother standing over her with her hands on her hips shaking her head and telling her how big of a disappointment she was not only to the 'Montgomery name' but also to everybody she knew. _

_She could hear her mother's voice in her head telling her no wonder Derek left her for somebody else, she wasn't deserving of him anyway; but, Bizzy Forbes Montgomery wasn't always like that. No. At one point she was the happiest person on the planet, Addison had been born with a twin Emily. One day when Addison and Emily were walking home from school someone came up behind them and hit them over the head with something hard. _

_Addison could remember waking up in the hospital with a sharp pain in her head, her father hadn't changed much after the man killed Emily, but Bizzy had; Emily had always been the favorite out of the children, she was the smartest, the one with the 'better looks'. _

_That was when Bizzy became hard._

_That was when she blamed the ten year old Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery for her sister's death, telling her that she should've stood up for Emily instead of 'pretending to be unconscious' to save her own life; the worst part was that she believe everything that her mother told her in that moment. Anger rose within her as memories came flooding back, seeing movement in front of her, Addison looked up again to see something she hadn't seen in a long time. _

_More like someone. _

"_Emily?" Addison whispered as she stared at the figure to which stood directly in front of her, Addison's vision kept changing from blurry to clear then back to blurry, she could see as Emily smiled at her sister before sticking out her hand almost like if she was offering for Addison to come with her; "I'm coming, Em." Addison whispered as she lifted the gun. _

_One shot. _

_Two shot. _

_Addison's lifeless body fell to the ground, the color of her blood she landed in matching the color of her hair. _

_Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery was dead. _

Naomi and Sam arrived at building just a few moments after the call, Naomi didn't care if she had sped all the way here, given the circumstances she was sure that it was understandable; "What is going on?" Naomi asked Amelia as she joined the group of people that stood in a circle next to a police cruiser; "We don't know," Charlotte sighed, "We thought you should be here before we were told what is going on."

"Hello Doctors," A woman joined the group of people, "I am Chief Jones, I am the one who called you all here today; before I tell you what the situation is, you need to understand that you had no part in this at all, we were called here because one of the neighbours reported gunshots." Chief Jones explained, causing Amelia to look around the group trying to figure out who was missing; "Shouldn't we wait for Addison to get here?" Amelia asked the Chief who sighed in response, "That was why we were called here this evening, Ms Montgomery committed suicide in her office just a few hours ago."

"Oh god." Naomi whimpered as her knees became very week, Amelia came beside her and held her up until she regained her balance, "Can-can we see her?" Naomi asked when she regained her balance.

"I'll let you know when the corner brings her body down and I will let you see her before she is brought to the morgue," Chief Jones looked around the group, "Her emergency contact is her ex-husband Derek Shepherd. Does anybody know a number so I can reach him?"

"I-I am his sister," Amelia whispered, "I should call him myself. He'll want to hear this from me if anything."

Chief Jones nodded and turned to walk away, "Oh, and before I forget, this was found on her desk." She said, taking a series of notes out of her pocket and handed them out in correspondence to whose name was on the envelope. Chief Jones pulled Amelia aside and handed her a package with Derek's name on it, Amelia knew it was Addison's handwriting just by looking at it, this brought tears to her eyes; she couldn't believe this was actually happening. Addison had written instructions for Amelia to follow on the package for when she gave it to Derek.

**ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK ADDEK **

Derek was sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria, he had just finished a late surgery and wasn't in the mood to go home yet, he took a sip of his coffee when Callie sat down beside him followed by Miranda and Cristina; "What are you still doing here?" Callie asked Derek with a grin.

"I could say the same about all of you." Derek responded as he folded up the newspaper and set it down on the table, "Had a late night surgery."

"Couldn't sleep." Was Cristina's reason, Miranda's was that she was on call that night and Callie just didn't feel like going home. They were all sitting there talking when Derek's cell phone started to ring, he pulled it out of his pocket and checked the caller ID which read 'Addison', Derek wanted to press 'ignore' he really did. But something in his gut told him that this call was important and that it was necessary that he answered it.

"Who is calling?" Callie asked, snooping over Derek's shoulder.

"Satan, that's who." Derek growled as he flipped open the phone and said; "What do you want, Addison? W aren't married anymore, remember, I'm with Meredith. So I don't want to hear any crap about wanting me back, because it's not going to happen."

_Derek?_ Amelia's voice came over the other line, he could tell just by the tone in her voice that she had been crying; "Amelia?" Derek's heart dropped, why was Amelia calling him on Addison's cell phone? "What's going on?"

_D-Derek, _Amelia sniffled, _You n-need to come to Los Angeles right away. _

"Damn it, Amelia! Just tell me what's wrong!" Derek snapped.

_Derek, Addison committed suicide earlier this evening in her office. _Derek's heart dropped when she said that, he couldn't believe his ears. _Addison is dead. _

He had no words to say in that moment, as much as he hated Addison for cheating on him, he never would have thought in a million years that she would've resulted to killing herself, there was a heavy silence between the two siblings before Derek broke the ice saying; "I'll be there as soon as I can." He paused when he thought about his mother and his other sisters, "Do the other girls know yet?"

_N-No, you were the first one I called. _Amelia's voice was heavy and thick with tears.

"Okay, I will call them. You go home and try to sleep, alright? I will call you once I'm there, I'll leave tonight." They said their goodbyes before Derek hung up and placed his phone down in front of him on the table, he couldn't believe this was happening; it was almost surreal to him, the woman that he had known for fifteen years, the woman that he had been married to for twelve wonderful years had killed herself. She was dead.

"Derek?" Miranda's voice broke him from his thoughts. "What's wrong?"

In that moment, he couldn't feel anything, all he could feel was overwhelming sadness and nothing else; he knew that he had to call the rest of his family, but, it was almost like he was waiting for Addison to call him and tell him that this was all just one big joke.

"She's dead." Derek whispered as tears started to form in his eyes.

"Who's dead?" They all replied in unison.

"A-Addison, she's dead." Derek paused, "She killed herself."

**Authors Note: Okay, tell me what you thought! But, please be nice, this is my first fic. I do have another chapter and can post it if anybody is interested. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I was in Calgary visiting my aunt when they got flooded and was unable to update. Please, enjoy! **

"_So, let me get this straight." Meredith yelled at Derek as he carried his suitcase down the stairs and placed it by the front door before entering the kitchen and poured himself a travel mug full of coffee; "You are choosing that adulterous-cheating-lying-she-Shepherd over me, _again_?" _

_Derek sighed, he was trying his hardest to ignore her as he waited for Miranda and Callie to show up with Cristina; Derek had a feeling that Meredith wouldn't support his decision to go out to Los Angeles to bury Addison, hell, she had been yelling so loud for the past hour and a half that he hadn't even gotten a chance to tell her why he was going out there. She just assumed. _

_Like Meredith always did. _

_She just assumed she knew the reason. _

"_Okay, Meredith, listen to me please—" Derek started as he put his mug down just to be cut off by Meredith, "No, you listen to me, Derek. I can't believe after everything we've been through you—"_

"_Meredith! Just shut up and listen!" Derek raised his voice, he knew that Meredith was taken back just by the look on her face, but he continued anyway, "We've been through _nothing_ together; I've known Addison for fifteen years and was married to her for twelve of those years. How long have we been together? On year tops?" Derek sighed, "You always just assume you know the reason for everything, and sometimes you do, but not this time." _

"_Then why don't you explain to me why you have your bags packed and going to Los Angeles." Meredith snarled as she crossed her arms, Derek shook his head; "Addison is dead, Meredith, she killed herself late yesterday evening. That is why I am going out there, because I was her best friend and her husband for fifteen years and she deserves the best burial that I can give her; I don't care if we aren't married anymore, I will still oversee the funeral preparations and I will be there." _

"_Oh my god, Derek, I am so sorry." Meredith gasped as she took a step closer and placed her hand on his arm just for him to pull away, "I didn't think—"_

"_That's right, Meredith, you _didn't_ think." He mumbled under his breath, but, just loud enough for her to hear as he walked over to the door when the doorbell rang and let them in; Derek left that evening with Miranda and Callie leaving Cristina to tend to a heartbroken Meredith who was wondering when he was coming back. Even Derek didn't have the heart to tell her that he wasn't sure if he was coming back. _

_If ever. _

They arrived in Los Angeles late that morning, Miranda had suggested that they stay in a hotel during the duration of their stay, however Derek decided against it; he said that Addison had a fully furnished beach house and that they should use it, she would've wanted them to use it, but the real reason behind him suggesting that is that he needed to be close to her again.

And that was the only thing that was left.

After they dropped their stuff off at the house, they all got into the car that Derek had rented and drove down to Sam and Naomi's house, Derek stood outside of the front entrance staring up at the big building before him; somehow, it looked bigger than he had remembered it. They had called Richard and Adele before they left Seattle telling them what happened, they were heartbroken, Addison was like a daughter they never had to them; they had said they would fly down to attend her funeral.

"Derek?" A voice came breaking Derek from his thoughts, he watched as the door opened to reveal Amelia who flung herself into her older brother's arms, it broke Derek's heart to see his little sister like this; not because he couldn't handle the tears, he was married to the biggest drama queen in the world, it was the exact opposite. It was because it reminded him of when they watched the murder of their father and that was a memory that he didn't want to think about.

"Hey, where are the others?" Derek asked softly as Amelia pulled back to look up into Derek's eyes.

"Inside." She sniffled, pulling back fully to wipe at the tears that freely fell down her face, "And we are being completely rude, hello." Amelia tried to smile at the two standing just a little ways behind Derek, but, a smile never came. Derek laughed a little when he heard Miranda's 'damn this house is huge' comment. After introducing Miranda and Callie to Amelia, she brought them all inside and into the living room where everybody else was waiting for them; Charlotte and Cooper were sitting on the couch with the three girls and Mason, Violet was sitting on the chair in the corner while Sam and Naomi sat on edge on the loveseat.

"Nae," Derek said, approaching her and giving her a hug. No words were needed to understand what was going on between the three friends; they were such good friends for a long time that just looking at their facial expressions said enough, "When did you land?" Naomi asked Derek in a horse voice which told Derek she had been crying.

Hard.

"A few hours ago, we are staying in Addison's house. I would hate to waste money on a hotel room when she would've wanted us to stay there anyway." Derek explained.

"Everybody, this is Addison's ex-husband Derek and their two very good friends from Seattle; Miranda Bailey and Callie Torres." Sam said, introducing Derek to all of the people in the room who gave him sad nods and weak handshakes.

"Okay, everybody, let's get down to business!" Amelia called out, standing up from her seat in the corner of the room and made her way towards the middle, Derek knew that she seemed so tough and fearless to everybody around her but when you got past that though exterior, she really wasn't, "The reason that we have all gathered here today is for one reson; because she left a DVD on her desk that we are all supposed to watch together according to her directions on it."

Amelia handed the DVD to Sam who put it into the player before returning to Naomi's side, all of their gazes were turned to the screen and Derek's breath hitched when Addison's face appeared on the screen followed by her voice; _Hello everybody, thank you for coming today-um-If you are all watching this it means that I am dead; I don't know whether I died of natural causes or if I killed myself, although, we can safely assume which one it most likely is. Most of you are probably wondering why I made a video, it is because this is my will, I didn't want to be one of those people who just split up all of their belongings and left it at that; I wanted to tell you myself. _Addison paused. _I want you to know before I begin that I have put a lot of thought into trying to decide who I should give who, so, please be appreciative of the effort; Charlotte, I leave you all of my clothes, considering you are the only one my size who would actually wear them. To Violet, I leave you all of my books; I know you really enjoyed looking through my collection, now they are yours. To Callie, I leave you all of my shoes, enjoy them. _She paused to change pages before continuing. _Miranda, I leave you my collection of scrub caps along with my wine collection. Naomi, you've been my best girlfriend for fifteen years now and I can't express enough how much of a blessing it has been knowing that I had you by my side through everything that I have gone through in my life; from getting married, to the divorce, absolutely everything. I raided my house trying to find something that you would enjoy...And I couldn't find anything...Not because you wouldn't appreciate it, but, because none of the things I have you would use. Then I found this, a scrapbook that I made when Derek and I were married and it contains pictures of things we have done together as couples; I want you to have it. As you will quickly discover, there are blank sheets at the back to put photos in, that is so you can continue and put your own pictures in. _Addison smiled. _Cooper, I leave my whole movie collection to you, knowing that you will be the one to appreciate them the most. Sam, I leave you my Mercedes and Lamborghini, keys are in the jar in my house by the door. _Addison paused; she let out a shaky breath as a tear made its way down her cheek. _And finally, Derek, you have been the love of my life for fifteen years and that will never stop. You will always be my first and last love. I know what you must be thinking, that taking my life was your fault, but that isn't the case; yes, it hurt deeply when I discovered that you were in love with that slutty-dark-and-twisty-intern instead of your wife, but I should've seen it coming. Derek, you were my soul mate and the love of my life, which is why I am leaving you my title; don't worry, I don't expect you to change your last name to 'Montgomery' but when my father dies, the fortune will now go to you. I have already got the papers in order and they will be filed by my lawyer immediately. _

Derek couldn't believe his ears, Addison had left her family's entire fortune to him; he knew that he was supposed to be happy that he was now rich, but that wasn't the case, he was furious with her, how dare she think that he would be okay with her passing the entire fortune to him?

_One last thing before I go, Derek, I left a package on my desk that I am assuming that one of the people sitting her now have; there are instructions on the top of it, you need to follow them exactly because if I find out that you have joined me up here anytime soon, I will kick your ass. This won't be the last time you will hear from me, there will be four more videos. I will not tell you when you will receive them, that is to be a surprise. Goodbye, for now._

Derek sat on the floor in shock, all these years he thought that Addison didn't love him, that she was angry with him for being with Meredith; the truth was, he never actually fell in love with Meredith, he was just so angry with Addison that he tricked himself into thinking that he was when he was actually still in love with her. Meredith was great and all, but she was the kind of woman to wear 'Hello Kitty' panties with a matching bra where Addison was mature; she wore lace up corsets and black lace panties with a matching bra. Derek watched Amelia as she pulled a brown package out of her purse and walked over to Derek, he could tell that it was Addison's handwriting just by catching a glimpse at the package, he read the note that was written on it; _Derek, you are not to open this package until you get the last video. Understand? I know you are very confused right now, Der, but trust me when I say that you will _want_ to open this one last. _

_A._

After a long while of talking with the rest of Addison's friends and a few beers later, they made their way back to Addison's house, as Derek lay in Addison's bed he could smell the subtle but not overwhelming smell of her on the pillows; vanilla with a hint of lavender, it brought back memories of when they were married and they would take showers together, he could almost imagine washing her hair as if it was only yesterday.

As Derek fell asleep, it felt like he was so close to her that he could hold her in his arms.

**Authors Note: Okay, what did you think? REVIEW PLEASE! Oh, and just so you know, I will be posting the first chapter of another Addek story very soon. Just want to see where that one will go. Keep an eye out for it! It does not have a title yet. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Sorry it has taken me so long to update! Life just got in the way! Please, enjoy. R and R! **

_He stood in the doorway of the bedroom with the video camera pointed at her; she had her back faced towards the door as she played a few notes on her guitar before humming along and writing down in her notebook that she had placed in front of her. He knew _exactly_ what his wife was doing, that notebook she called her 'song book'. Slowly, he entered the room and approached her, "Derek," She pouted as he tried to get a glimpse of what she was writing. _

_She swatted him away and quickly closed the book. _

"_What are you writing?" _

"_A song, for my mother." _

"_Another surprise call from your mom again?" Derek asked her just to get no response, he sat down on the bed beside her, camera pointed at her face he said, "Okay, let's hear your song." _

"_No, i-it's embarrassing." She blushed. _

"_Come on, Addie! I want to hear it!" He gave her a playful shove as she picked up her guitar, placing her fingers on the strings. _

"What are you watching?" A voice pulled Derek's attention away from the TV, he hit the 'pause' button before turning to see Charlotte and Naomi coming to join him; it had been a long day and Derek was exhausted, they attended Addison's funeral this morning along with the lunch they hosted afterwards. Derek's sisters were in the kitchen cleaning the last of the plates, he tried to help, but they just yelled at him and told him to get out.

"Some videos I found in Addison's storage. She got them during the divorce; I can't believe she actually kept these."

"Is that a guitar? I didn't know Addison could sing!" Callie said as she too sat down on the couch.

"Me either," Naomi huffed, "And I've known her for fifteen years."

"Okay, press play!" Charlotte yelled at him, he did as he was told.

_Addison cleared her throat and shot Derek the 'Satan glare' before she started; "Like a malignant tumour, she's got no sense of humour. Just like a swollen blister, it's best to just resist her. She isn't exactly a witch, she's just a terrible bitch—" Addison sighed and put the guitar down, "That's all I have so far. I told you it was stupid." _

"_I don't think it's stupid, I think it is very...unique!" _

Charlotte laughed; "Did she actually give that song to her mother?"

Derek smiled and laughed; "Yes, she did." He looked down at the ground. "She was the most amazing woman; I honestly can't even begin to understand how I thought I could live without her. Now that she is gone, it's like I have a huge hole in me."

"She was your other half." Violet sighed.

"Speaking of that," Charlotte sighed as she bent over and pulled a package out of her purse, "This is for you."

It was small and wrapped in brown paper, he knew exactly who it was from and why she sent it on this day, it was their anniversary; today, he would've known Addison for sixteen years, and, if they had stayed together it would've been their thirteenth anniversary. Naomi stood up and shooed everybody out of the room before she followed them onto the patio with a glass of wine and shut the door behind them, leaving Derek sitting alone in silence. Hesitantly, he opened the package and a small box slid out along with a note;

_My love, _

_I know that what I am about to ask you to do is a difficult task and you will not be able to complete it by yourself; Der, I need you to throw away all of my things. Whether it is giving them away or simply throwing them in the trash, I don't care. But, I do know you, and this is what _you_ need to do in order to move on from me. _

_I have asked your sisters to help you if you need it, please be accepting of them, they are only trying to help you because I have asked them to. Okay? One more thing, in that box you will find my wedding rings. In the now sixteen years that I have known you, Derek, you have always said that whenever I watch you do surgery you have never lost a patient; that I was like your 'good luck charm'. I have put my rings on a chain for you, so that you can have a little good luck with you wherever you go. _

_I know you are mad at me for making you do this. But it is what you need to do. _

_Rip the stitches. _

_No anaesthesia._

_A. _

Derek's heart beat wildly inside of his chest, how could she possibly think that he could move on this fast? She was his other half, she was his soul mate. He also knew that it was too late to fight for her; it broke his heart that she took her life, it broke his heart because he knew he was a part of that reason. He should've fought harder for the relationship they had instead of just throwing all away and moving to Seattle when the tough got going.

Addison was only human.

Addison was a human who rarely made mistakes.

Derek opened the small box to reveal her wedding rings on a chain just like Addison described them, he sat there staring at them for a long while before he slowly took them out of the box and put the chain around his neck; he took a deep breath before getting up and putting another DVD into the player and pressed 'play'.

_He hid around the corner watching Addison wash their car, he slowly crept out of his hiding spot when she wasn't looking, took the garden hose and sprayed her from head to toe; "Derek Christopher Shepherd!" She screeched and threw the sponge at him, hitting him in the face. _

"_Addie, you got soap in my eye!" _

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She said, walking over to him and gently washing his eye out with the garden hose, when she was finished she dropped the hose and looked him in the eyes; "have I ever told you how fucking perfect your hair is?" She asked him with a sly grin on her face as she ran her hand through her hair. _

"_I can't remember." He tried to play innocent as he pulled her closer to him and lowered his face down to hers, "Why don't you say it again to remind me." _

Nancy stood in the doorway of the living room watching Derek sit on the couch as he watched videos that had been taken when they were married, when Addison was still alive, sighing she went back outside deciding that she would give him one more day to mourn over the loss of her; one more day and then he had to get his shit back together.

**Authors Note: Okay! Tell me what you thought! Review please! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I am planning on moving to Australia in September so it has been kind of hectic trying to book flights and other things. Please, enjoy and tell me what you thought! **

_Nancy had left for New York that evening after the funeral to check on her family, make sure her children were still alive because God only knows what her husband forgot to do when she wasn't around; it had been three days since the funeral and Derek hadn't spoke a word to anybody. Callie and Miranda had their flights booked to return to Seattle that evening, but, they knew that they _both_ couldn't leave him when his sisters weren't here. _

"_How is he?" Naomi asked Callie as she made her way back inside the living room just to flop down beside her on the couch and sigh."He wouldn't talk to me, hell; he wouldn't even open the door." Callie told her sadly. _

"_You aren't planning on calling her, are you?" _

"_I have to, Naomi; she is the only one he will listen to." Callie said as she stood up and started pacing around the room. "Don't pace! You are making me dizzy!" Amelia chimed in, "And, Doctor Torres has a point; she is the only one he will listen to. When we witness our father's murder, she was there for us every step of the way; if she wasn't there, he would never have been the same."_

"_I'll call her." Naomi stood up and exited the room. _

It was about four o'clock in the morning when she arrived at Addison's house, the place where they told her that Derek had barricaded himself in the bedroom, her heart was beating erratically inside of her chest as she ran towards the house. She could feel a rush of adrenaline run through her veins as she entered the living room; "Where is he?" Nancy said, standing in the middle of the room.

"Still in the bedroom with the door locked. He won't let anybody in." Amelia sighed, adjusting her position on the lazy boy chair in the corner.

"For god's sake, it's been three days! I was hoping that he would've followed her instructions by now." She groaned as she turned around and started to leave the room when Callie asked, "Whose instructions?"

Nancy sighed, "He received yet another package from Addison the day of the funeral saying that she wanted him to follow through with her will. She wants him to divvy up all of her things and give them to the designated people; I'm inclined to agree it's what he needs to move on." Nancy sighed. "Just wait here; I'll go talk to him."

Nancy slowly walked up the stairs towards the second level of the house just to be overwhelmed by the stench of something horrible, she had to admit that she hated being called at three in the morning and being told that Derek had barricaded himself in Addison's room, not because she didn't want to be there for her brother; it wasn't that at all. It was the fact that it reminded her exactly of the day that their father had died.

One of the worst days of their life.

"Derek, its Nance." She knocked on the door. "Please, open the door."

No answer.

Taking a bobby pin out of her hair, she picked the lock on the bedroom door using the technique that Derek taught her, the door opened easily and she froze at the sight before her; there was glass all over the floor which was clearly from one of the windows he had somehow broken, there were stains on the walls consistent with beer bottles being thrown against it. Her heart dropped when she saw the thing she feared, an empty prescription pill bottle.

She quickly walked over to Derek and pulled a flashlight out of Addison's nightstand, "Derek? Derek, can you hear me?" She said, looking into his eyes to find that they were dilated, his skin was clammy and he wasn't breathing. Grunting, she put her hands under his legs and supported his head before lifting him up off of the bed, she knew she wasn't very strong; but the other women downstairs were out of earshot and wouldn't hear her if she called for help. "Doctor Torres," Nancy started CPR, "I need an ambulance ASAP! Nae, Amy, I could use some help over here!"

"What happened?" They rushed to his side; Nancy didn't stop administering CPR to her brother. "I don't know, I found him like this." Nancy explained, "Amelia, go upstairs and get the empty pill bottle off of the floor. The Paramedics are going to need it when they arrive so they can treat him accordingly."

_His breathing was rapid and he winced at the bright light that shone, blinding his sight; when the strong wind died down and the light dimmed, he opened his eyes to find himself lying in Addison's bed. He could hear the toilet flush and the tap run, he shut his eyes and rubbed them furiously when the door opened to reveal something that he hadn't expected; someone who didn't exist anymore. _

"_Oh, hey!" She smiled at him as she exited the bathroom in a towel, "good. You're up, we need to talk." _

"_No, this can't be happening." He shook his head but couldn't take his gaze off of her as she walked over to him and stood in front of him, "Y-you're dead, Addison." _

"_Yeah. And right now, so are you! Because you overdosed on some prescription medicine that you found in my bathroom cupboard!" She put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrow, deliberately doing it because she knew what it did to him. Addison watched as Derek dropped his head to look at his feet, sighing, she sat down on the bed next to him; "Just tell me why, Derek. Why did you do it?" _

"_Because, I miss you." He replied in almost a whisper. "After you died, I would see you in dreams and I got used to doing things that reminded me of you. It was like you were with me wherever you went. Then the dreams stopped and things changed; I just wanted to feel close to you again." _

"_Derek," She put her hands in his, "I am always with you. I will never abandon you. You can now think of me as your 'guardian angel', I promise you that I will be by your side when you need me and that you can talk to me whenever you are under stress or a lot of pressure."_

"_You didn't have to kill yourself you know, if you would've just called me, we could've talked it out; I have been beside you through all of the crap in your life. The abuse, when the man who killed your sister was released, everything." He sighed. "You could've committed suicide a long time ago, Addison, why did you choose now?" _

"_God knows when people are going to be born and when they are going to die. He has got each of our days numbered, Derek," she paused. "It was just simply my time. But, I assure you, it isn't your time yet; you still have a lot of your life left and it isn't nearly over." _

"_But what if I want to stay, here, with you?" _

"_Then that is your choice, and I cannot choose for you; but you are giving up your future if you choose to stay here. You also have to think about your sisters and our friends; you need to take into consideration how they would react to losing _two_ people very close to them so close together."_

"_I loved you, Addison, with all of my heart." _

_She smiled, "I know you did. And l loved you too; but I am gone and you need to move on. You need to follow through with my instructions, which is why you need to go back, and besides. Meredith needs you." _

They all sat in the waiting room of the Saint Ambrose hospital, Nancy had told Callie that she could go back to Seattle and go back to work, promising that they would call them once they heard anything about Derek's current condition. Cooper and Charlotte had joined the group just moments after they arrived when Nancy had the nurse at the reception desk call them and update them as to what was going on along with Pete, Violet.

Amelia had called their mother and the other two sisters' in New York, telling them what was going on, she had to convince them that it wouldn't be of any use if they flew down to Los Angeles; she told them that it would just add to the chaos, they had enough people here to be able to handle the situation.

They all sat in the Emergency Room's seating area, Nancy and Amelia sat hand-in-hand. Naomi and Sam sat beside Amelia; they were whispering something that was inaudible to the people around them. The picture of Derek's lifeless body lying on Addison's bed was etched into Nancy and Naomi's brains, they knew why he would've attempted doing it; but never in a million years would they think that he would actually follow through with it.

"_She just doesn't understand, Addison, she doesn't understand the relationship that we had. We had sixteen years of friendship and would've had thirteen years of marriage; I can never expect her to understand that, but she needs to be open to me talking." Derek sighed as he watched Addison get dressed, "She can be so hard and cold sometimes, and then other times, she is warm and open." _

"_Derek, you've only known her for a year. You have to let her get used to the idea that you were also somebody else's 'Mcdreamy'. She knows that your heart will always belong to somebody else, no matter how much you try to deny your love for me by calling me 'Satan' and an 'Adulterous bitch', she knows." Addison said as she brushed through her hair. _

_Derek watched as Addison groaned when her phone 'dinged', sighing, she turned to face him; "It's time for you to make your decision, Derek." _

"_Addie, I can—"_

"_I know, Der, it's not your time." She smiled at him, approaching him; she pressed a kiss to his forehead before looking deep into his eyes, "I promise, when it is your time, I will be the first one to welcome you. Don't forget, I am here whenever you need me." _

_His world started to spin as the same bright light and strong wind came over him again, it was colder this time and stronger than the last one; he knew exactly what his next destination would be. He was going home. _

They had been sitting in the Saint Ambrose Emergency Room seating area for what seemed like forever now, Amelia had fell asleep with her head rested on Nancy's lap as they waited for the surgeon that was operation on Derek to get out of surgery. Charlotte was pacing back and forth in the open area of where they were sitting, she had tried to pull the 'I am Chief of Surgery at this hospital and I demand to know the condition of the patient' card which didn't work. The doctor had said that she was too close to the patient and she could wait with the rest of them until he was done operating.

"Anybody here for a Derek Shepherd?" A voice came, their gazes snapped up to see the two doctors that were walking towards them; normally, as surgeons, it was easy to tell another surgeon's emotions just by the look on their face. Charlotte had told them that these two surgeons were some of the best and that Derek was in good hands; "How is he?" Naomi asked, her voice hoarse from being tired.

"It was touch and go quite a lot during surgery; we had to shock him four times." The general surgeon asked.

"F-four times?" Sam stuttered, "Most people are lucky to survive _one_ shock, let alone _four_!"

"He lost a lot of blood, but, in time he should make a full recovery. He took so much that his organs started to shut down rapidly, he also sustained a major laceration on his head; Mister Shepherd is lucky to be alive. I don't know how to explain it, Doctors, but it was almost like something was pulling him back here."

"Can we see him?" Nancy asked, standing up from her seat.

"Only family is allowed in the ICU, are you his wife?" The surgeon asked.

"I'm his sister."

After escorting Amelia and Nancy to the ICU room that Derek was in, they entered, he looked so fragile and pale against the white hospital sheets; the light was dim in the room and there were two chairs resting against the wall. Nancy walked over and pushed one of the chairs to the side of the bed, sitting down, Nancy took hold of his hand; "Nance?" His voice was horse, his blackened eyes opened up.

"Oh, thank god." Nancy sniffled when Derek said her name.

"Nance, Amy, I need you to do me a favour."

"Sure. Anything." They both replied a little too quickly.

"I need you to go through Addison's things for me; I have her wishes written down in a notebook on the nightstand. It has all of the information you need in it as to what goes to who."

"We will do it tonight."

**Authors Note: Okay, tell me what you thought! REVIEW PLEASE! **


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